Good Point

I read an article in Today’s Christian Woman magazine about Gracie Rosenberger. She lost both of her legs in a terrible car accident. She now ministers to other amputees in America and abroad. She had this to say about hard times:

“I love how Psalm 23 is in motion. It doesn’t say, “Even though I sit through the valley of the shadow of death” (v.4). It says we walk through it.”

It’s so simple, yet profound to me. I think it’s sort of impossible to sit in the valley. Even if you try to sit, and I certainly have tried, you’re at least being forced through at about a snail’s pace just as life goes on around you. I’d much rather put in some effort to walk to the other side, rather than be pushed or dragged through. It’s just so stinking hard when the time comes.

All is Well

The lesion/tumor on my liver is benign. Yay! He said I've probably had it since birth and will have it with me when I die. It should not cause me any problems.

Still got to get rid of the old gall bladder. They'll call me tomorrow with a date for surgery.

This waiting for a diagnosis, the scary lesion, mysterious pains, has not been as stressful as I would've imagined. It has shown me how far I've come as far as worry, anxiety etc. The reasonable voice of truth is reigning more and more in my head, while the pessimistic, emotional, worry-wart voice is way in the back trying to nag it's way through. It rarely broke through and was then squashed by faith, logic, and reason. I knew that no matter what happened God would be there with me.

The scariest parts were getting the CAT scans and my first IV. He was there. I was amazed at how many scriptures I could think of. I kept reciting in my head that He was my rock, redeemer, strong deliverer, my fortress, a shield about me, He will never leave me or forsake me etc. I sang through praise songs in my head. I prayed prayers of thanksgiving and requested wisdom for the Dr.'s and healing for me.

It all worked out. I'm a happy camper. Can't wait to get this thing out of me and feel better.

Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers.

Another Day, Another Health Problem

I certainly don’t have it anywhere near as bad as some people do. I don’t have a major illness that handicaps my life, except when my depression is in full swing (15 months depression free!! Woohoo!!). I just have all sorts of little annoying problems. Something is always malfunctioning. Lately it’s been chronic upset stomach and headaches.

I’ve had stomach problems off and on for several years. The occasional day long heartburn. I occasionally experienced nausea, and every once in a while woke up to vomit in the middle of the night. Sorry for being so graphic, just reporting the facts. These middle of the night attacks started to become more common and lately have been as much as once a week. I’ve tried to make the connection to something I was eating, or how much I was eating, but there wasn’t a pattern. I take Tums and Pepcid all day long. I started writing off all of the symptoms as stress related and was bummed about what a wuss I was. I would never call another person a wuss for being stressed out (especially with my kind of family dysfunction drama that's been going on), but you know how it is when relating to oneself.

Finally I was so miserable, I decided to hit up my Dr. for a diagnosis, certain that she would confirm my wussiness. Turns out she was concerned. She decided my symptoms sounded like gall stones, and the headaches were sinus problems and/or a brain tumor. Yeah, that’s all. She ordered a CAT scan and an ultrasound.

Brain tumor is pretty much a bad word in everyone’s mind, but it’s particularly nasty in my mind as my cousin died of a brain tumor when we were both in high school. We were a year apart, somewhat close. It is one of the hardest things I’ve ever lived through, not to mention the rest of my family, her parents! Turns out, my brain is free from tumors. Thank you GOD!

My gall bladder was not so lucky. The suspected stones are there and when I got the news I said YES!! I’m not a crazy stressed out hypochondriac! There really is something wrong, AND it’s something that can be fixed!! It’ll be my first surgery, if you don’t count wisdom teeth, which I don’t. That’s a little freaky, but over all I’m a happy girl.

I had my consultation with the surgeon on Tuesday. I was like “alright man, bring on the surgery! Let’s get this bad boy scheduled!”

The Dr. burst my bubble however when he said “Did they tell you, you have a lesion on your liver?”

Me: “What’s that?”

Dr.: “It’s a tumor, most likely benign.”

Me: “Crap!”

He is also puzzled by the pains I have on the left hand side of my abdomen directly under my ribs. The gall bladder and liver reside on the right side. He explained that they will do another CAT scan, this time on my abdomen and pelvic area. THEN I will come back to see him and THEN we can schedule surgery!

My CAT scan is scheduled for Monday morning. I am not super worried , because my internet research, usually not a good idea, has confirmed that it probably is benign. I am just eager to get all of this over with, to know when it’s all going to go down, and to start feeling better! I’ll keep you updated and let you know if I’m dying and whatnot. Just kidding! I’m going to be fine! We'll know more soon...