Bastica

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

$$$$$

Jason and I have been very blessed financially. By blessed, I mean God has always provided just enough for us. The sad thing is there’s rarely been a time when I didn’t stress about money anyway. I’m always afraid of things like major car repairs and doctor bills that could come along. I have to remind myself that when we didn’t have enough money to replace our junky car that died, someone gave us a truck. God has always provided. We’ve been able to avoid debt for the most part and always get the bills paid. We’ve never had much left over to save. It’s been good for me. We’ve learned to live simply and forego luxuries such as new cars, name brand clothes, and salon visits. Our home furniture and décor is mostly hand-me-downs and second hand finds.

My promotion in May has changed our situation. According to an article I read on MSN.com we’re on the lower end of the middle class. For the first time in our lives, we’re thinking about purchasing life insurance and contributing to my retirement plan. After four years of apartment living, we’re looking to buy a house again. We’re having so much fun searching the internet for houses. Unbelievably they pre-approved us for a $180,000 loan! That’s crack talk, as in, they’re on it! We can reasonably afford a $100,000 house while still saving a little. I’m so excited, I want to start packing! Ideally we will wait till after the first of the year to see what our tax situation will be and finish out our apartment lease. We will continue looking to get some ideas in the mean time. The market is in our favor and we should be able to get a great deal. Hopefully by next Christmas, I’ll have my tree and decorations out of storage for the first time in five years! I’ve really missed it.

We still plan on keeping our simple lifestyle. There are a few furniture items that are desperate for an upgrade, but I will find a bargain somewhere. I want so much to be a good steward of what God has given me. Is it more important that my house décor reflects the latest styles, or would that money be better donated to an international ministry that provides people with food and clean drinking water? It’s not wrong to decorate your house of course. It’s a great form of creative expression and helps make a house a home, but we live like kings compared to half the world, so I can sacrifice some style. I don’t technically NEED a single picture on a wall or curtains in the window, but I like these things. I don’t think that’s wrong, but I have food to eat and clean drinking water so it’s easy for me to say. It’s hard for me to know where to draw the line. My friend Scott has expressed similar dilemmas. I pray that God will give me wisdom and keep my greed in check. I don’t want to conform to the standards of the world but to live in a way as to honor Him. I want to use my home for ministry such as hosting small group Bible studies or to be a safe haven for some of Jason’s high school students when they need a place to come and talk. My heart just aches for holiness in these areas. My flesh wants HGTV to give me a home makeover. What is the correct balance? I don't usually as for comments, but I would LOVE your opinions on this one.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Life Update

I've been feeling so good since mid-May. I’ve been depression free and so, so grateful. I can honestly say that depression has made me a more thankful person, because “normal” life and “normal” moods are heavenly compared to depression. I say to Jason, “Woohoo! Look at me! I have the energy to cook dinner and clean the kitchen!”

I feel like I’ve been learning and growing a lot. God’s been teaching me things, and they’re not all things I can put into words yet. I’m still on the verge of figuring some of it out. It’s mulling around in my brain. One theme that’s been persistent is that God will never leave me or forsake me. He promises us that. It’s only recently sunk in for me. One of my biggest struggles with depression is feeling abandoned by God when I need him the most. I’m holding on to His promise that what I FEEL isn’t what is true. I haven’t had the opportunity to practice this bit of faith yet but I pray I will rely on Him when I’m in the valley again.

He’s also been teaching me a lot about who He is through Scripture. I’ve been saying these Scriptural prayers in the back of my Get Out of That Pit book and I’m learning so much. For the first time I’m really thinking about what it means for God to be my light, my salvation, my rock, my fortress, my shield, my strong deliverer, my strength and more. I’ve been taking to heart that with His help I can overcome great obstacles and have victory in my life. My faith is stronger than ever and I love Him more than ever.

I suspect all these things I’m learning are an answer to my prayer to deliver me from depression. I think it would be foolish to declare myself healed and say I’ll never be depressed again, but when it comes, I’ll be better prepared to keep it from going so far. I have little control over the brain chemical aspects but I can exercise my mind and body to help fight it. It is my prayer that I will not give into despair but fight to keep my head above water.

As far as the body goes, I once again reached my highest weight ever of 230. Sucky! I knew I was headed there based on the life I was living and I didn’t care. I just wanted to indulge all my food cravings and sit around watching TV and reading. Part of that came out of being depressed for 6 months straight. I was so discouraged last July when I lost 20 pounds over a year and then gained it all back in 3 months of being depressed. It made me never want to fight it again, since depression always comes back. This may sound weird but this recent time of indulgence was mostly guilt free and I feel like I broke through some barrier in my relationship with food by letting go of the guilt. I’m making positive changes and it feels different this time. I feel more empowered. I’ve lost 4 pounds in 3 weeks. My ultimate goal is 150 but my initial goal will be to get under 200. My husband has lost 25 pounds over the last 3 months which makes me so envious and angry. I obviously still have issues, but his healthier habits are encouraging me.

Wow! Did you read all that? Thanks for caring so much. I have more to write soon about our trip to see Weird Al in concert with backstage passes. I need to tell the story of our faithful blue truck which has been passed on to serve another. So check back for stories and pictures.

Love ya,

Jenn