Life Update

I've been feeling so good since mid-May. I’ve been depression free and so, so grateful. I can honestly say that depression has made me a more thankful person, because “normal” life and “normal” moods are heavenly compared to depression. I say to Jason, “Woohoo! Look at me! I have the energy to cook dinner and clean the kitchen!”

I feel like I’ve been learning and growing a lot. God’s been teaching me things, and they’re not all things I can put into words yet. I’m still on the verge of figuring some of it out. It’s mulling around in my brain. One theme that’s been persistent is that God will never leave me or forsake me. He promises us that. It’s only recently sunk in for me. One of my biggest struggles with depression is feeling abandoned by God when I need him the most. I’m holding on to His promise that what I FEEL isn’t what is true. I haven’t had the opportunity to practice this bit of faith yet but I pray I will rely on Him when I’m in the valley again.

He’s also been teaching me a lot about who He is through Scripture. I’ve been saying these Scriptural prayers in the back of my Get Out of That Pit book and I’m learning so much. For the first time I’m really thinking about what it means for God to be my light, my salvation, my rock, my fortress, my shield, my strong deliverer, my strength and more. I’ve been taking to heart that with His help I can overcome great obstacles and have victory in my life. My faith is stronger than ever and I love Him more than ever.

I suspect all these things I’m learning are an answer to my prayer to deliver me from depression. I think it would be foolish to declare myself healed and say I’ll never be depressed again, but when it comes, I’ll be better prepared to keep it from going so far. I have little control over the brain chemical aspects but I can exercise my mind and body to help fight it. It is my prayer that I will not give into despair but fight to keep my head above water.

As far as the body goes, I once again reached my highest weight ever of 230. Sucky! I knew I was headed there based on the life I was living and I didn’t care. I just wanted to indulge all my food cravings and sit around watching TV and reading. Part of that came out of being depressed for 6 months straight. I was so discouraged last July when I lost 20 pounds over a year and then gained it all back in 3 months of being depressed. It made me never want to fight it again, since depression always comes back. This may sound weird but this recent time of indulgence was mostly guilt free and I feel like I broke through some barrier in my relationship with food by letting go of the guilt. I’m making positive changes and it feels different this time. I feel more empowered. I’ve lost 4 pounds in 3 weeks. My ultimate goal is 150 but my initial goal will be to get under 200. My husband has lost 25 pounds over the last 3 months which makes me so envious and angry. I obviously still have issues, but his healthier habits are encouraging me.

Wow! Did you read all that? Thanks for caring so much. I have more to write soon about our trip to see Weird Al in concert with backstage passes. I need to tell the story of our faithful blue truck which has been passed on to serve another. So check back for stories and pictures.

Love ya,

Jenn