My Tuesday Nights

I've written before about how my Mom and I get together on Tuesday nights to watch Dancing With the Stars. When the show is over, we slack off and don't get together as often. Something really interesting has motivated us to keep on meeting.

It's a Bible study by one of my favorite singer/songwriters, Kelly Minter, led by one of my favorite Bible teachers Beth Moore!! It all takes place on Beth's blog: http://livingproofministries.blogspot.com/

I talked to Mama Duck in Knoxville, and found out she is doing the study with a neighbor. It occurred to me today, that I should ask more long distance friends and local friends. The women's small group Bible studies are participated in Knoxville were life changing and life sustaining for me. I couldn't have made it without them. I miss them. I also have a dear friend in Pensacola, FL.

The study only meets every other week. There is daily homework, but it doesn't take long - 15-20 minutes. Over 3,000 women have registered on the blog. There is at least one woman in each state and several women in other countries. The books have sold out at all of the stores, but Lifeway was generous enough to put the first week on the blog for free download until you get a book. Each week we have some common recipes that we can make or not for our groups. I made a Black Bean and Rice recipe out of the book that was AWESOME!!! I thought I didn't even like beans, but I tried it anyway and WOW! Mom felt the same way.

After the study every other Tuesday you can leave comments on the blog. The volume of comments is quite overwhelming. I thought it'd be more fun to get some ladies I know on board and we could email amongst our own group for a little more personal touch.

This past Tuesday was the first one, but if you download the first chapter you can get caught up, and even if you don't, you'll still get something out of it.

Mom and I would like to keep out Tuesday nights just the two of us, however let me know if you'd like to join us on the web!

Spiritual Growth part 3

Read part 2 on the previous post first if you will. Thank you.

The truth is the Bible is full of grief and suffering, sometimes because of what life/Satan handed down, and other times because of one’s own sin. But, if God loves us so much, why doesn’t he stop it? If he forgives us, why doesn’t he remove the consequences? Tough stuff. Debated and meditated on since the beginning of time. I read a great book “God on Mute: Engaging the Silence of Unanswered Prayer” by by Pete Greig and Brian McLaren. It’s so hard to put into words what I learned. It really takes a whole book to explain, and I’m already writing so much. Basically, God could, but doesn’t interfere with the natural order of things as much as we’d like. That’s why we call them miracles when He does. Miracles are pretty darn rare. It certainly makes you appreciate them more.

Most of all, I learned and accepted, that most of the time, God is not going to interfere with another person’s free will. People therefore do horrible things to other people. To me, free will doesn’t seem like much of a gift, although people say it is. Yes, I’d rather be a robot, or like I already said a computer. I want perfection NOW, no room for error.

Which brings me to another point; there are so many questions that will be left unanswered in this world. We simply have to accept that we won’t understand some things until after this life. Things I thought I knew I didn’t. What I thought was the truth wasn’t always. There is a lot more grey and less black and white then I thought there was.

I think some of the promises in the Bible people like to claim for now, are actually more of a promise for heaven. Things will be perfect; there will be no pain and no tears. We will finally be healed of our physical ailments, as it rarely happens on earth, despite what some crappy, phony TV preachers might say or how many people they knock over.

So where does all of this leave me? Jaded. Bitter. Frustrated. Disappointed. On the cruise Jason and I commiserated together with all we’ve learned. We feel betrayed by the church (the entire body of Christ). We’ve blindly trusted teachings from pastors, authors and friends that didn’t always teach the truth. That was our own stupid fault. They thought they were teaching truth. We lived our lives by some things that hurt our marriage, others we tried to minister to and teach, and left us with unrealistic expectations of God. We decided we have been in the teenage years of our relationship with God. Rebellious and establishing our independence. Although in reality, we’ve been rebelling more against Christian culture and it’s teachings, than God himself.

In some ways, our fellow blogger Jon is correct. I just have always taken it wrong, and I don’t know how to live out that faith like a child. I’ve gotten better at it. It still seems when hard times come I fold. I don’t know how to process stress and grief in a healthy way. The “peace which transcends all understanding” I take for granted, is that guarantee of salvation. It cannot be underestimated. As Christians we do not grieve like others that have no hope. (1 Thessalonians 4:13) I cannot fathom how anyone copes with anything without believing in the One who does love us so much that he sacrificed his own son so we could be saved. Ultimately, I agree with some of what Jon has to say, and not so much on other things. God is in control. He will hold our hand. He does want what’s best for us. He does want us to have fun along the journey. We will be much better off if we obey and follow Him. I disagree that he will ALWAYS keep us from harm on this earth, but he will keep us from the ULTIMATE harm if we trust in Him.

I understand God more than I ever have, which means understanding I know so much less than I thought I did. Confusing sentence, hope it makes sense. I appreciate Him more. I understand and feel His love more. When we go through pain and grief he suffers with us, but perhaps not as much, because He sees the bigger picture. He knows that while He did not cause the pain, He will bring some good out of it. My 16 year old cousin died of a brain tumor when I was 17. Due to these circumstances, my Mom started seeking God and was saved. Ultimately, the rest of the family followed. She didn’t die, so we could be saved. She died as a result of the disease that is in this world. God used it for good.I cried out to Jason as we discussed all of this on the cruise. “UGH! I don’t know how to live knowing all that I know. I’m making this huge transition from the Christian idealism I’ve learned and into Christian reality. I need a book from God entitled How to Live by God.” OF course before the sentence was out of my mouth I realized DUH! That’s what the Bible is for!

I’m taking a hard look at the Bible like I never have before. Jason and I are doing it together. I’m going to question everything and try to erase my preconceived notions. It’s so simple in places and so complicated in others. Some things take on a whole new light if you understand the customs of that time and what was the specific audience it was written for. Some of the plain, simple, hit you in the face truths are just hard and even impossible to live out. I guess we just have to keep striving for holiness and we’ll keep getting better. Ultimate, perfect holiness will only be achieved in heaven.

I have so much more to say, so much more learned. It's hard to put it all into words. These things are bigger and deeper than my blog can hold. Since spiritual growth never stops in my life, I doubt it will stop on the blog. Eventually there will be a part 4, part 5, part 6......

Spiritual Growth part 2

I seriously wrote my longest blog entry ever. I'll try and break it into two parts, although it doesn't have a great stopping point. It's already written, so you won't have to wait MONTHS for the next blog as usual. I'll post them both, and then you can read them when you can. They're both sort of rough drafts, because darnit if I edited everything it would never make it to you, because I'm such a perfectionist. Here we go:

I bet you thought you’d never see the follow up to part one, but here it is.

It’s really a simple, basic truth that pretty much everyone would agree with – except maybe a child. It’s the fact that bad things happen in this life. It happens to all people of all faiths of all races of all ages. Horrific, unbelievable tragedies occur. People do truly evil things that cause irreparable damage to other people. There is nothing you can do to prepare yourself. It will come as a total shock. It will rock your world and change your life, probably not for the better. You may be left scarred with pain that will follow you for the rest of your earthly life. Some people get hit with these things worse than others, but none of us are immune, and much of it is out of our control.

But, life is not all bad. Of course not! There are lots of wonderful things about this life and this world, but ultimately, it’s not our home. This world is screwed up.

Back to what I said about what a child might agree with. The Bible says in Luke 18:17 (and in Matthew 18:3, and Mark 10:15: "Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all." I’ve heard people interpret this as God wants us to have faith like a child, but this is the only verse I can find in the Bible that says something like that, and I don’t think that’s exactly what it means.

A quick internet search led me to a fellow blogger and his interpretation of faith like a child:

Jon is talking about walking around the neighborhood with his daughter when she was a toddler.

Yet as we crossed one street after another, she held my hand and knew deep in her heart that she was safe. She knew her father loved her and would always do what was best for her. She knew her father would protect her from all harm and guide her in the best way to go, every single time. All she had to do was hold his hand and do what he told her to do and she would have fun along the way, whether she knew where she was going or not!

That used to be me. That’s how I thought my life would be now that I had surrendered control to God and asked him to come in and be Lord of my life. Nothing bad could happen to me or those I love. Just hold his hand, have fun and no harm will come my way. That’s NOT what the message of the Bible and it’s not the way life is.

When hard times did come I felt betrayed by him, or I felt like I had done something wrong, but he wasn’t breaking any promises. Part of why I felt betrayed is because I thought this Bible verse:

And God's peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. ~~Philippians 4:7

… guaranteed me an absence of pain. The verse above is from the Amplified Bible and the amplification of the word peace in this version is very helpful. It sounds nice, but I am so rarely content – don’t know how. I wish I was like a computer and I could press the content button, or run the content program. I wish it was like a recipe – put together these ingredients, in this order, using this technique and voila – you’re content!

Continued in part 3...