The Kroger Incident

Kroger seemed awfully crowded, even for a Saturday. The lines were four people deep. Jason’s family was coming over for dinner that night, so I picked up a 2-liter of Diet Coke. After perusing the trashy magazine headlines (ANGELINA JOLIE EATS HER BABIES! – not really, but it wouldn’t surprise me to see such an outlandish headline) I reached the conveyor belt. I went to put the Diet Coke on the belt and it slipped and fell onto the floor. It EXPLODED! It was spinning around spewing it’s contents five to six feet in the air! I stood there in total shock while people ran and screamed. Yes, that is not an exaggeration. By the time I had the sense to get out of the direct line of the soda geyser it had done most of it’s damage. I was soaked from the waist down. The cashier said, “Don’t worry, it happens.” I mumbled that I was sorry. I was horrified and humiliated. She called for a clean up in aisle seven, she asked them to bring rolls of paper towels. She offered some to the guy in front of me, and offered to wipe down his food. She didn’t offer me a single paper towel. I didn’t make eye contact with anyone. I just paid for my groceries and headed to where Jason was waiting for me, parked in the fire lane as he ought not to, but does anyway. He was wondering what the heck happened to me, because I had called him 15 minutes ago to say I was getting in line and would be out in a jiffy. I said “there was an incident”. As if he couldn’t tell by looking at me! Of course as soon as I had to relay the story to someone else, I started cracking up. I think I’ll be hitting up Biggs for my groceries for a couple of weeks and hopefully my face will fade from the memories of the Kroger's staff!