Spiritual Growth part 3

Read part 2 on the previous post first if you will. Thank you.

The truth is the Bible is full of grief and suffering, sometimes because of what life/Satan handed down, and other times because of one’s own sin. But, if God loves us so much, why doesn’t he stop it? If he forgives us, why doesn’t he remove the consequences? Tough stuff. Debated and meditated on since the beginning of time. I read a great book “God on Mute: Engaging the Silence of Unanswered Prayer” by by Pete Greig and Brian McLaren. It’s so hard to put into words what I learned. It really takes a whole book to explain, and I’m already writing so much. Basically, God could, but doesn’t interfere with the natural order of things as much as we’d like. That’s why we call them miracles when He does. Miracles are pretty darn rare. It certainly makes you appreciate them more.

Most of all, I learned and accepted, that most of the time, God is not going to interfere with another person’s free will. People therefore do horrible things to other people. To me, free will doesn’t seem like much of a gift, although people say it is. Yes, I’d rather be a robot, or like I already said a computer. I want perfection NOW, no room for error.

Which brings me to another point; there are so many questions that will be left unanswered in this world. We simply have to accept that we won’t understand some things until after this life. Things I thought I knew I didn’t. What I thought was the truth wasn’t always. There is a lot more grey and less black and white then I thought there was.

I think some of the promises in the Bible people like to claim for now, are actually more of a promise for heaven. Things will be perfect; there will be no pain and no tears. We will finally be healed of our physical ailments, as it rarely happens on earth, despite what some crappy, phony TV preachers might say or how many people they knock over.

So where does all of this leave me? Jaded. Bitter. Frustrated. Disappointed. On the cruise Jason and I commiserated together with all we’ve learned. We feel betrayed by the church (the entire body of Christ). We’ve blindly trusted teachings from pastors, authors and friends that didn’t always teach the truth. That was our own stupid fault. They thought they were teaching truth. We lived our lives by some things that hurt our marriage, others we tried to minister to and teach, and left us with unrealistic expectations of God. We decided we have been in the teenage years of our relationship with God. Rebellious and establishing our independence. Although in reality, we’ve been rebelling more against Christian culture and it’s teachings, than God himself.

In some ways, our fellow blogger Jon is correct. I just have always taken it wrong, and I don’t know how to live out that faith like a child. I’ve gotten better at it. It still seems when hard times come I fold. I don’t know how to process stress and grief in a healthy way. The “peace which transcends all understanding” I take for granted, is that guarantee of salvation. It cannot be underestimated. As Christians we do not grieve like others that have no hope. (1 Thessalonians 4:13) I cannot fathom how anyone copes with anything without believing in the One who does love us so much that he sacrificed his own son so we could be saved. Ultimately, I agree with some of what Jon has to say, and not so much on other things. God is in control. He will hold our hand. He does want what’s best for us. He does want us to have fun along the journey. We will be much better off if we obey and follow Him. I disagree that he will ALWAYS keep us from harm on this earth, but he will keep us from the ULTIMATE harm if we trust in Him.

I understand God more than I ever have, which means understanding I know so much less than I thought I did. Confusing sentence, hope it makes sense. I appreciate Him more. I understand and feel His love more. When we go through pain and grief he suffers with us, but perhaps not as much, because He sees the bigger picture. He knows that while He did not cause the pain, He will bring some good out of it. My 16 year old cousin died of a brain tumor when I was 17. Due to these circumstances, my Mom started seeking God and was saved. Ultimately, the rest of the family followed. She didn’t die, so we could be saved. She died as a result of the disease that is in this world. God used it for good.I cried out to Jason as we discussed all of this on the cruise. “UGH! I don’t know how to live knowing all that I know. I’m making this huge transition from the Christian idealism I’ve learned and into Christian reality. I need a book from God entitled How to Live by God.” OF course before the sentence was out of my mouth I realized DUH! That’s what the Bible is for!

I’m taking a hard look at the Bible like I never have before. Jason and I are doing it together. I’m going to question everything and try to erase my preconceived notions. It’s so simple in places and so complicated in others. Some things take on a whole new light if you understand the customs of that time and what was the specific audience it was written for. Some of the plain, simple, hit you in the face truths are just hard and even impossible to live out. I guess we just have to keep striving for holiness and we’ll keep getting better. Ultimate, perfect holiness will only be achieved in heaven.

I have so much more to say, so much more learned. It's hard to put it all into words. These things are bigger and deeper than my blog can hold. Since spiritual growth never stops in my life, I doubt it will stop on the blog. Eventually there will be a part 4, part 5, part 6......