Clash of the Choirs

Last weekend I auditioned for a reality show. And, that is something I never thought I’d say. NBC is producing a show called “Clash of the Choirs” which will air in December. It’s a competition where singing celebrities build amateur choirs from their hometowns to compete for the title of “America’s Choir”. The winning celebrity will have $250,000 donated to the local charity of their choice. The organization I work for was in the running with Children’s Hospital to be Nick Lachey’s charity. I’m sad to say we didn’t get it. From what I hear, Children’s Hospital has lots of supporters and a billion dollar endowment but Nick Lachey has a family connection there. So what if we vented a little frustration by posting defaced pictures of Nick Lachey in the office. We’re not bitter or anything. We’re very disappointed but I will still support our hometown with my votes.

Practices are in Cincinnati and the show will be filmed live in New York City. I was drooling over that trip to New York City. I “was” drooling, past tense, so obviously I didn’t make it. I was bummed. I haven’t sung in a choir since high school (over 10 years ago!!). I love singing in a choir and I do miss it. Although, I’d rather keep singing in the band at church since I don’t have time to do both.

The audition was a fun, once in a lifetime experience. They were only taking the first 300 people that showed up at Walnut Hills High School. The doors opened at 9:00am. Jason and I didn’t know whether people would get there the night before and camp out, but we decided to take our chances and get there at 6:00am. We were fourth in line. We set up our lawn chairs and waited. It was fun to get to know some of the others in line. There were people of all ages, shapes, sizes, races and backgrounds. There were a lot more women than men. There was camaraderie between us and everyone was very friendly and encouraging. Channel 5 News was there doing some live interviews.

The nine page application had us specify five songs we'd like to sing. Several of us had chosen “O Holy Night”. The 20 year old singer/songwriter on one side of me sang “Killing Me Softly” and “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” in her raspy alto. On the other side The 40 year old choir director sang “I Can Only Imagine” and “Amazing Grace”. The gorgeous blond, first in line, sang “Silver Bells” and “Unbreak My Heart”. The last three pages of the application were a contract where you signed away your life to NBC. Seriously. By signing you agreed that they could use your image and distort it until it was unrecognizable. They made you agree that they could use any of your information, image, performance etc., now and forever in any media format ever created in the universe. They actually used the word UNIVERSE!

A lady in a chicken suit showed up. She was truly entertaining. She does singing telegrams for a living. She did an interesting rendition of Happy Birthday with clucks instead of a chorus. Of course, the cameras loved her. We did an impromptu Chicken Dance that might make the show, so tune in for that. She was an older woman and hoped to make a case for being the “choir mom”.

I was part of the first group of four. We entered a small classroom and stood in front of a table of three producers and a cameraman. One by one they asked us to sing a few bars of the song of our choice. Mine was “Broken Wing” by Martina McBride. I was shaking with nerves but still satisfied with my performance. The other three women also sang well. They asked two of the women to step in front of a music stand and sight read a line of music. I knew I hadn’t made it when I didn’t get instructed to do so. They took the beautiful black girl who sang “I Believe I Can Fly” with lots of runs and embellishments. It wasn’t very choir like and she hit a couple of sour notes, but it’s obvious she is very talented. While she went on to an interview, the rest of us were told they had all they needed. I wasn’t terribly disappointed. The choir is being narrowed down to the 20 best singers. I’m sure there are well more than 20 people in Cincinnati that can sing better than me. Since this is TV, I also suspect they were also looking for the youngest, best looking, talented Cincinnatians and that does not include me. I’m not trying to self depreciate, I’m just being realistic. It didn’t hurt my pride one bit. I felt bad for the other two women with me. The 20 year old singer/songwriter had been there since 1:00am waiting for her chance and I had seemed very confident that she was in. I’m pretty sure the beautiful blonde spent some time crying in the bathroom.

We just grabbed up our lawn chairs and said good bye to the chicken lady. We went to Santorini’s for some pancakes and goetta. I’m surprised that I had the courage to go through with it. I’m so glad that I can watch the show and not have to wonder what if….

The great news is the daughter of my co-worker DID make it! She is a vocal education major at Miami University. I am so thrilled for her!

I hope the show does well, but I have my doubts. I don't know how much of a market there is for choir singing. We will see a surge of unscripted, reality shows soon because of the writer's strike. I will be watching and voting.