cautiously optimistic

I woke up yesterday feeling close to normal - whatever that means. Moods have been pretty steady. It's weird how one day is horror, death and despair and the next day is o.k. It just goes to show that it's largely physical because no circumstances changed. Do I have to live like this or is there some magic pill that will fix me?

I did go to the Dr. on Thursday, nervous and desperate for help. It takes 30 minutes to get there. Jason went with me so he could help share his observations and be another pair of ears for me. We get there and the secretary has a big smile on her face "I tried to call you!" she said cheerfully.

"Um, why?"

"He's not here. He called in sick"

"But it took us half an hour to get here!?"

"I must have called right after you left" she said with unapologetic joy.

"Well, I need to reschedule because I'm not doing so good. Here's our cell phone number for future reference."

I was severely disappointed and frustrated. For some reason her cheerfulness grated on my nerves. I just wanted to guilt trip her like :
"Look lady I'm not sick enough to be admitted to the hospital and I'm not well enough to live my life so a little apologetic sympathy would be nice as you deliver the news that snatches away what little bit of hope I have!!" Dramatic I know but that's honestly how I felt.

Anyway, we're in Knoxville. I'm going to try to take it easy and not fill up the schedule with lots of visiting. The first UT game is today and it's fun to see all the cars with their UT flags and signs. Everyone's wearing orange. Excitement is high. GO VOLS!!!

I have no idea how the trip will affect my mental state. It could go either way or just stay the same. My new Dr. appointment is Tuesday morning. We'll be back to Cincy Monday night.