Permission Requested to Say No
God's been teaching me something lately and I think it applies to what I've been reading on some dear friends blogs here and here.
Sometimes I have to give myself permission to do or not do something and that simple act eliminates so much stress yet I'm still free to change my mind. That sentence is certainly confusing but it's hard for me to put into words.
For example: I've been stressing over my 10 year high school reunion for a couple of years. Yes, that's ridiculous. I didn't want to go unless I was thinner. Again, ridiculous. Now the reunion is upon me. It's scheduled for October 6 and the cost is $80 per couple!!!! Plus I'll need a dress!!! Besides, most of the time I see someone from high school at a store or restaurant I duck my head and hide. I finally had to give myself permission to not go and I feel so free. I could still change my mind, but the fact that I allowed my mind to decide not to go freed up some of the anxiety somehow.
A couple of high school friends have talked about having our own little get together and that just appeals to me so much more. We had over 600 people in our graduating class. I was a nasty, mean, boy-chasing, gossipy party girl in high school. Part of me feels obligated to go and share the testimony of what God's done in my life. I'm happier than I've ever been except for the fact that I'm obese and I fear that's all people will see. I know I will feel so paranoid, embarrassed and frumpy even though I shouldn't, I undoubtedly will. I haven't won that battle of the mind yet but it's getting better. In the mean time, I'd rather just be with people I know are my friends and I don't get to see them often enough. I'd rather work on getting to know those few lovely people better rather than be faced with a room of 600+ alumni and their dates all for the ridiculous price of $80!!!! Why have I felt like I ABSOLUTELY HAD to go!? Not anymore and it feels oh so good.
Now, I have given myself permission to NOT do the dishes and sit and watch tv with a cup of hot tea.
"self?"
"permission granted!"
Sometimes I have to give myself permission to do or not do something and that simple act eliminates so much stress yet I'm still free to change my mind. That sentence is certainly confusing but it's hard for me to put into words.
For example: I've been stressing over my 10 year high school reunion for a couple of years. Yes, that's ridiculous. I didn't want to go unless I was thinner. Again, ridiculous. Now the reunion is upon me. It's scheduled for October 6 and the cost is $80 per couple!!!! Plus I'll need a dress!!! Besides, most of the time I see someone from high school at a store or restaurant I duck my head and hide. I finally had to give myself permission to not go and I feel so free. I could still change my mind, but the fact that I allowed my mind to decide not to go freed up some of the anxiety somehow.
A couple of high school friends have talked about having our own little get together and that just appeals to me so much more. We had over 600 people in our graduating class. I was a nasty, mean, boy-chasing, gossipy party girl in high school. Part of me feels obligated to go and share the testimony of what God's done in my life. I'm happier than I've ever been except for the fact that I'm obese and I fear that's all people will see. I know I will feel so paranoid, embarrassed and frumpy even though I shouldn't, I undoubtedly will. I haven't won that battle of the mind yet but it's getting better. In the mean time, I'd rather just be with people I know are my friends and I don't get to see them often enough. I'd rather work on getting to know those few lovely people better rather than be faced with a room of 600+ alumni and their dates all for the ridiculous price of $80!!!! Why have I felt like I ABSOLUTELY HAD to go!? Not anymore and it feels oh so good.
Now, I have given myself permission to NOT do the dishes and sit and watch tv with a cup of hot tea.
"self?"
"permission granted!"
posted by Jennifer @ 5:52 PM
3 Comments:
At 5:55 PM ,
Anonymous said...
You were not a nasty naughty girl in high school- and I've known you since 3rd grade...I've been guilting over going myself- I've gained 25 pounds and haven't finished that novel..Why do we feel the need to impress?
At 11:09 PM ,
Rustypants said...
woo!! you go, jennifer!!
or should that be, "woo!! you don't go, jennifer!"
haha - either way: way to go! it's nice being freed up and giving yourself permission for those things!
At 9:01 AM ,
Tennessee Mama Duck said...
Jen,
I did the same thing with my 10 year reunion!! It was a very formal expensive affair too. I thought that was ridiculous too!
Good for you!
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